Yoga

It seems that my life has changed drastically over the past month: from the ashram life-style to town- life.

I am also realizing now what the true challenges were at the ashram. One of the challenges at the ashram had a lot to do with dealing with boredom. Also, dealing wiht my own thoughts. Often I found when the mind is left to its own devices it creates "stories" either fantasies or dramas. Neither of which are very helpful/beneficial in the end. Of course there was always the lack of organization of the place and never knowing whether I was "helping" or just "costing" them money by being there. What a horrible feeling in the end. However, I've made my peace with ashram yoga and I still visit them.

As I sit here, reflecting, I am grateful for the time to write. I am also pondering the evolution of the self.

This journey of self-discovery

I am on a journey, as are you all. However, I continually return to spirituality/and yoga for guidance.

I am not my "true" self. I am on the path of self-realization. Meditation is suppposed to bring me closer to my true self. I desire to meditate more.... Now, I've learned that 'asanas'or postures help prepare you to meditate. Once you've completed a series of postures (btwn 15-2hrs) than you are ready to sit and start 'pranayam' breathing exercises. I still haven't figured out a length of time necessary to lead me into pranayam and meditation. * Nevertheless, after pranayama it is said that you are now prepared for meditation. I need about 2 1/2 hours for this whole process. Usually by the end of pranayam I am ready to do something else with my day. Like eat my bowl of porridge or bkfast of some sort.

If you do your 'asanas' properly it is "movement mediation." I aim for this everytime I practice 'asanas' and go through my suryayanamskara "sun salutations." I do not always arrive at the state of meditation while moving through these postures, but I attempt to connect deeply within myself by using the breathe and moving slowly with the breath. It is a powerful practice. It can be a practice you devote to a god or goddess, a family member or friend, or teachers that have come before us and passed on their knowledge. I am intrigued by the process of self-exploration through the practice of yoga. I believe a lot of us are not "truly" ourselves until we connect with ourselves in that deep dark infinite space. I love going to that space time and time again ..... I keep wondering is that where I will find my "true" self?

* I am quite an active person. I enjoy doing the series of postures because of the heat/ the purification process that can take place after /during the practice. But also, I think because I am strengthening and moving my body in a balanced effort to remove any blockages of energy and get the energy to flow again after an 8 hr sleep. It is soooo good. It is not just a physical feeling but a mental and emotional benefit.

Getting to the mat/ the yoga center/ and sitting with yourself is the most difficult part of practicing. But after reading what I've just written, I wonder why is it so difficult if it is oh soooo good!